The fantasy of cryptocurrency as an untraceable, off-grid store of value is finished. Beginning with the 2025 tax year, custodial exchanges file an information return on every disposition you make, and the IRS now reads digital-asset trading the way it has always read a 1099-B from your broker. Advising anyone to hide crypto from the Service is advising them to commit a felony. The real opportunity is not evasion. It is structural arbitrage: the Code classifies crypto as property — not currency, and not a security — and that single classification opens a loss-harvesting loophole equity investors can only envy, while punishing on-chain yield held in the wrong account.